Sugar, Spice, and a Hint of Pepper Imps
by renovek
Summary: What happens when you mix sugar and spice with a hint of Pepper Imps? Nothing really, until you throw in some overzealous friends, three pounds of pranks, and a heaping tablespoon of boring classes with just twenty-eight dashes of Quidditch and you have yourself the perfect concoction for the chaos that is seven years at Hogwarts.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hello all~ With the recent news about Rowling penning a screenplay and general Pottermania covering my dashboard on tumblr lately, I've gotten back into my Pottery mood and decide to give rewriting my old fanfiction a shot. Hopefully this time 'round, I'll get further than 10 chapters...Anyway, hope you all enjoy it!

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**Chapter One: Back to School**

The Leaky Cauldron was surprisingly quiet for being the morning of September 1st. As she sat at one of the rickety tables, eating a bit of porridge and eggs for her breakfast, Bair looked around the common room to find only a man reading in one corner, a pair of elderly women at the bar, and one of the inn's employees mopping the floor. She would have thought more people would stay at the inn, since it was the start of a new school year.

At the same time, however, it didn't surprise her much; most of the student body didn't _need _to stay at the Leaky Cauldron in order to make sure they were on time. They had their own methods of reaching the platform before eleven o'clock. Students like Bair, however, had to find other means to reach London's train station –means that were completely ordinary and mundane.

Even though she had already attended one year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Bair was still left rather baffled by the magical world. She had always known that magic had existed, but she hadn't known that existed like _this_. Having grown up on fairytales and the local legends of the fae folk, she had received quite the culture shock last August when she first stepped into Diagon Alley.

"Bair, that you?"

She raised her head from her breakfast to find a girl with massive, blonde curls bouncing towards her. A laugh left her mouth and she stood up only to nearly topple backwards as the girl practically tackled her. "Maidie!" laughed Bair. "How was the trip t' Norway?"

"It was fun!" she grinned, giving her friend an extra squeeze before pulling back. "But we have the whole trip t' Hogwarts t' talk about that. Why are you here o' all places? I would have expected you t' be on your way t' the station or somethin'."

"Mum's too swamped with work t' escort me to the station an' ya know how my grandparents feel about the whole witchcraft business."

She nodded in understanding. "Your family has a wee bit more faith in you than mine does." She motioned over her shoulder with her thumb to where her parents were standing. "They'd never let me stay here alone."

Bair shrugged before giving a small wave to Mr. and Mrs. Ferguson. "Mum knows the Leaky Cauldron is safe enough an' it's not like I don't know how to navigate the muggle world," she grinned, giving the blonde a wink. "The biggest problem was not getting lost in Diagon Alley."

"Oh, that's simple enough," Maidie smiled. "Just follow the road completely straight. You know you're lost when you've turned into a side-street."

"Aye, I found that out yesterday –I ended up in Knockturn Alley an' quickly made my way out o' there." She reached down and plucked up her orange juice. "So, what're the three o' you doin' here?"

"Last minute spot o' shopping," Maidie admitted, her cheeks going a bit red. "We came here last week an' did what I _thought _was all o' my school shopping, but I went an' forgot about my Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook until this morning."

Bair made a tut-tut noise as she playfully shook her head. "Naughty, naughty. Whatever are we going t' do with you, Maidie?"

"Oh, haud yer wheesht!" she laughed. "Just because I forgot one wee thing…" She looked up as her father came over.

"Hello, Bair," Mr. Ferguson smiled. "I'm afraid I need t' steal my daughter back."

"It's alright, sir," she chirped. "I need t' finish my food an' go pack, anyway."

He gave her a small smile before setting his hand on Maidie's shoulder and leading her away.

Bair, however, shoved a final spoonful of porridge into her mouth before leaving a couple of silver sickles beside her bowl as a tip and heading up the creaky stairs. As she went down the hall, she narrowly avoided being hit when someone –she didn't stop to see who- slammed open their door and tossed a suitcase against the opposing wall. Silently cursing them under her breath, she found her room and went in, shaking her head.

As soon as she stepped in, she was greeted by a bright purple hamster ball rolling towards her. Grinning, she crouched down and plucked the ball up, seeing a black-and-white dwarf hamster inside. She opened the ball and the hamster darted out, crawling up her arm to come to a rest on her shoulder.

"And how is my wee Forkie doin' today?" she cooed, rubbing the top of his head with her finger. He nuzzled against the digit, his whiskers tickling her skin slightly.

'Ah, ma Cherie,' she imagined him saying, 'I have been scouring this room for you!' He found some crumbs from the toast she had eaten earlier on her shirt and plucked them up with his tiny hands. 'I see you went and had yourself a feast! These petite morsels are most delicious.' Thanks to Cedric Diggory, who had given her Forkie when his 'male' hamster unexpectedly gave birth, Bair could only picture her pet having a bad French accent.

"I'm glad you approve." She carried him over to her trunk, which was completely disheveled. Her clothes were half-in, half-out of the trunk and piled on the table, her books scattered throughout the room, and rolls of parchment were strewn about the floor. "Well now…I've gone an' made a right mess o' this place, haven't I?" She looked at her hamster.

'Oui, ma cherie, you have,' he 'replied'. 'It iz quite zee maze to navigate, I assure you. But it iz a challenge I have gladly accepted. I must admit, though…I did roll over your essay on zee Transfiguration formula.'

Sighing, Bair shoved a lock of hair out of her face before setting Forkie on the table. "No nibbling the clothes," she warned him as she began the arduous task of finding all of her homework. This took quite some time; she even had to crawl under the bed to find some of her essays –particularly the three-foot long essay on what sort of things can happen if one weren't following a potion's instructions to a tee and her one-and-a-half foot essay on the magical properties of everyday cooking herbs.

When she had everything gathered and squarely put away, Bair glanced at the clock only to let out a curse; it was ten o'clock. It would take her at least forty-five minutes to walk to King's Cross Station and that was if foot traffic wasn't horrible -and in the heart of London, it was almost always horrible. Slamming the lid of her trunk shut and hurriedly doing up lock and straps, she put it on her small trolley and scooped up Forkie, putting him on her shoulder.

'Ma Cherie, you really must learn to pay more attention to zee clock,' scolded the hamster as she darted out of the room. 'Ack! Cherie, please, go just a bit slower! My paws –zey cannot hold onto this shirt of yours well!' When she finally slowed her pace a bit, having come to a crosswalk, he scooted himself further under the protection of her red-brown hair.

Ten-fifty found Bair sprinting through the magical barrier between King's Cross and Platform 9¾. Panting, she looked around with a grin as she saw all of the other witches and wizards –both young and old- gathered around the brilliant red steam engine. Slowing her pace, she made her way through the crowd, knowing that it would be hard to find either an empty compartment or her friends. At least, she thought it would be hard to find her friends…

"Hey! Bair!"

She stopped and looked around before finding a redhead racing towards her. "Daphne!" she laughed. "Glad ya found me; I just got here!" Grinning, she braced herself for the hug she knew was coming. Her free hand rose up, protectively covering Forkie as the girl clung onto her.

Daphne gave her an extra squeeze. "Ugh, who knew we could become good friends in just our first year? Being away from you, Maidie, and the twins was horrible! I had no one to gossip with or try makeup out on!" She grinned, gently petting Forkie as he poked his head out from behind Bair's hair. "And how is the little French knight, hmm? Did he go on many adventures over the summer?"

'Ah, mademoiselle Daphne! My summer has been most adventurous –ooh, yes. Please scratch there…'

"Oh, he got into his fair bit o' trouble, that's for sure," she smiled. "Hey, d'ya have a compartment yet?"

"Of course," she answered, almost sounding mildly offended. "Katrina, Josephina, and I have been waiting for you and Maidie."

Bair's brow rose. "Maidie's not here yet?"

She shook her head. "No. Well, she could be –Katrina's on the hunt for her. Josephina's holding our compartment from the third years." Grabbing Bair's hand, she started to lead her towards the train.

"I saw her 'bout an hour ago –she an' her folks were goin' into Diagon Alley because they forgot t' buy her DADA book," she explained. "Wonder what's takin' her…?"

Daphne shook her head. "They could have just sent her the book via owl," she sighed. "At least, that's what my mother would have done. Speaking of mothers –where is yours?"

"Too busy with the clinic." As they reached the train, Daphne turned around and helped her haul her trunk up the few steps into train car. "An' I didn't want t' subject my classmates t' me grandparents' reactions."

The redhead glanced over her shoulder as the two of them pushed their way through the crowded hall. "I thought they were fine with you being a witch…?"

"Eh, for the most part, though grandmother more so than grandda'. But that's only because she wasn't raised as strictly as he was."

Nodding in understanding, Daphne opened up a compartment door. "Found Bair!" she chirped.

"An' I found Maidie!" chirped a plump, dark-haired girl. Next to her sat her thinner, twin sister. These two were Katrina and Josephine Pass, respectively, and they made up the last portion of Bair's dormitory mates. While they weren't identical twins, they did share _one_ identical feature: Both had the same, black ink covering their lips and spiraled around their chins.

The twins got to their feet, each giving Bair a big hug while Daphne tucked Bair's trunk into the corner of the compartment. "You're still as short as ever, Bair," Josephina teased, giving her a small grin as she ruffled her hair.

"Oh shush –just because you're four inches taller don't mean nothin'," Bair laughed.

Maidie giggled. "You could just make yourself taller."

Taking Forkie from her shoulder, Bair sat down closest to the window and turned herself around so that her back was on the seat and her legs against the wall. "Nah. Only if I'm tryin' t' imitate someone."

"Just don't try to impersonate Snape again, alright? It was a narrow miss last year," Maidie warned. She brought her legs under her as she sat, covering her knees and calves with her skirt.

Katrina giggled. "But it was funnier than a goat in a dress!" she exclaimed. "If only she could get the voice right, she could have fooled even Dumbledore!"

"I think Dumbledore wouldn't be able to ignore the Hufflepuff sweater," Josephina mused.

Bair nodded. "Should have stolen a Slytherin one," she wistfully sighed. "So! How have your summers been?"

"Who goes first?" Maidie and Daphne chorused.

"Daphne!" Katrina suggested. "An' then Maidie. They got to leave the country."

"Oi, I leave the country," Bair grinned.

"Ireland doesn't count, prat," Josephina chuckled. "Even if you did end up moving across it."

Bair gave her a cheeky grin. "Well, what're ya waitin' for, Daphne? We're not gettin' younger. How was your trip t' the States?"

Daphne leaned back against the seat and shrugged, crossing her legs. "It was alright. Then again, I go every summer –you four know that. So it's not that big of a deal."

"Yeah, but you're talking t' four witches who've never been stateside," Josephina reminded her. "Combined, we've been all over Europe, but never that way."

Katrina thoughtfully tapped her tattooed chin. "Well, we do sometimes visit mum's parents in Whangapora Bay…"

"Only for rites of passage," her twin reminded her. "Even then, we're mostly stuck on the mats, getting stabbed by inking needles. We don't get to sightsee." She shook her head. "Anyway…What city does your mum live in, Daph?"

"Seattle," she answered, flicking some of her hair over her shoulder. "It's way over on the west coast, but it's in the forefront of fashion for the wizarding world, so of course my mother lives there."

Maidie glanced down as Forkie crawled onto her lap, sniffing his way around the compartment. "Isn't she some designer?"

"She's _the _designer when it comes to dressing the elite witches and wizards of the world," Daphne proudly answered. "It's such a shame we have to wear uniforms at school; I could be setting trends here _months _before they come out in the magazines…"

The girls around her raised their brows, looks of uncertainty on their faces. Seeing their expressions, Daphne suddenly grinned. "Oh come off it –you know I don't like fashion _that _much," she assured them. "Anyway, I think a lot of the things mother designs are hideous. Who wants giant, pointed shoulders with an overly large hat anyway?"

"Ya had us going," Bair admitted. "At least, ya had me goin'. I thought you were about to pull out some hoity-toity lookin' dress or something."

Daphne laughed, shaking her head. "No, no…Anyway, I'm a bit afraid to open my trunk right now. It may…explode." She winced at the thought. "I'm horrible at packing…"

"But…you only had your supplies and a few uniforms," Maidie told her, wearing a small frown. "How can _that _make your trunk explode?"

"Well, a girl's got to have her accessories," Daphne smiled, though her cheeks were a bit red in embarrassment.

Katrina giggled. "You an' your accessories…Will you be keeping them in your section of the dormitory this year?"

Maidie grinned. "Yeah. Remember how we spent three days trying to find your purple headband and it turned out it was at the foot of Josephina's bed?"

Daphne pouted, her cheeks now as red as her hair and glance away.

"I dunno, I kind o' found it amusing whenever I woke up with one o' her bows stuck in my hair," Bair told them, her tone serious. "Or tha' one time Forkie had nestled himself in her pink pantyhose."

'Ah, oui –zat was a most restful night's sleep,' agreed Forkie. He glanced up as the train blasted out its farewell whistle to the families that remained on the platform. He scurried up Bair's leg and onto her shoe, doing his best to get away from the girls as they rushed to the windows to wave goodbye to their parents. 'Ack! Mon cherie, what are they doing? Why do they crowd us so?'

Bair felt his pain, for being upside down on the seat meant that her face was kneed about three different times and Katrina crawling over her in order to stick her head out of the window. "Oi! Girls? Remember me? OW! Bloody hell, Maidie, that's my nose!" She tried to shove her friends off of her, but only managed to get Maidie out of the way; Katrina was still using her stomach as a cushion.

"You're kind o' comfy there, Bair," Katrina teased. "Wouldn't think you'd be this soft."

"You're right!" Josephina agreed, acting surprised. "Man. I could use you as a pillow, Bair."

Raising her brow, Bair started to use her elbows to shove the girls off of her. Katrina squealed and quickly bolted off of her. Josephina, however, started to fall off and dragged Bair with her. Knowing that Forkie was still atop her foot, Bair twisted herself around, managing to keep her leg lifted and the hamster safely out of the fray.

"Josephina, that's a foul on you!" Daphne cried, scooping Forkie up. "Blagging, to be precise."

"Well, Bair was cobbing!" argued Josephina, her upper half shoved under the seat.

Pushing herself onto her elbows, Bair pouted. "I was only cobbin' because you all dog-piled me," she retorted. "So o' course I had to use my elbows t' get you off o' me."

Daphne perked. "Someone's been reading the copy of _Quidditch Through the Ages_ I loaned her!"

Bair crawled back onto the seat. "Aye, I have," she replied. "But! That's off topic. I think, before all the ruckus began, Maidie was goin' t' tell us 'bout her trip t' Norway."

Maidie perked. "Oh yeah! I also got each o' you a present from the trip," she chirped. "We'll have t' wait until we're at school, though, since my trunk is kind o' buried under Daphne's…"

"We can wait!" Katrina grinned. "So, Norway. Why there of all places?"

"My grandparents moved there," Maidie smiled. "They run a lodge up in the mountains on the border with Sweden. Oh my goodness, I took so many photographs! The land there is just beautiful. And –Bair will like this –in the magic district, they had this enormous museum full t' the brim o' stuff on the old Nordic myths an' their magic."

Josephina tilted her head, intrigued. "What do you mean 'their magic'? Isn't it the same as ours? Needing to weild wands and the like?"

"O' course it is, dafty," she chuckled, "but parts o' it are different, too. Like, while we're into usin' magic for even the simplest things like cooking, cleaning, even summoning a pair of socks from across the room, they regard magic as a more spiritual part o' themselves."

"So…they're more sparing in their use of magic than us folk in the UK," Katrina half stated, half asked. Her brows were furrowed in concentration; the others knew she was trying to make sense of it. "Weird."

Maidie shrugged. "I guess…Oh! They do use potions quite a bit –mostly small ones, y'know? Like to keep themselves healthy an' to fight away the cold of winter faster."

"That's understandable," Daphne replied. "After all, their winters last what? Nine months? Eight months?"

"Something like that. But it was really disorienting at first, since their summers are the opposite –lots o' sunshine. More than what we get here, I'm positive." She tucked a gold ringlet behind her ear and tried to steal Forkie from Daphne.

For nearly two hours, the girls continued to talk about their summers before falling quiet to read a book or play card games. Forkie had been returned to his ball, which was tucked under the seat as he slept. Bair was sitting across from Katrina and Josephina, her trunk sitting on the floor between them as they played a game called nertz (the twins claimed it was like high-stakes solitaire).

Bair leaned over as she dropped a card only to suddenly turned white –literally. All color left her skin and hair as she watched a large tarantula (its legs had to be as big as her hand) crawl its way into the compartment through the open door. "M-Mates…What the feck is that?" she stammered, forgetting about the card as she very slowly sat back up.

"What the heck is what?" Daphne turned to look only to let out a scream as she jumped up on the seat, clutching her book to her chest. "Acromantula!"

Cards went flying into the air and all over the floor as Katrina and Josephina let out similar cries. Maidie cursed and shoved herself as far into the corner as she possibly could while clutching onto Bair, who was trying to reach for Forkie's out-of-reach ball.

"Found him!" someone shouted in the hallway. Seconds later, a boy with dark-brown skin and dreadlocks appeared in the compartment doorway, nearly slipping on the playing cards. Pulling out his wand, he pointed at the tarantula. "Reducio!" The five girls watched as the spider shrank to the size of a hand.

As he crouched down, a pair of identical, freckled faces appeared behind him. "Figures he'd crawl off to a compartment full o' girls," one of them chuckled.

"Sorry, ladies," said the other twin. "Don't think Herbert here meant to frighten you."

Daphne stared at the three boys, the horror still all-too evident on her features. "Herbert? That _thing _has a name!?" Her voice was shaky an she continued to hide behind her book.

"He didn't until these two showed up," the first boy chuckled. He carefully placed the arachnid inside of a shoebox and closed it securely. "But, honestly –I am sorry 'bout that. Didn't think he'd get loose."

Bair gave him a weak smile, her skin and hair slowly regaining color; her heart was still racing, however. She had never seen a spider so huge –and she didn't really want to see another one like it. "So long as no one or no thing got hurt, eh?" she wearily chuckled. "Oi, Maidie, you're sort o' chokin' me there, lass…"

"Yeah," one of the twins grinned. "We'll try to not let him escape again."

"How did somethin' that large managed to _escape _in the first place?" Josephina shuddered. She tried to pry herself away from her sister, but to no avail; Katrina was really quite arachnaphobic. "Sis, it's fine. It's gone," she murmured, lightly patting her on the back.

"Door of the compartment was left open and his box didn't get closed all the way," the spider's own retorted. "By the way," he pointed at Bair. "Neat trick."

She blinked. "Huh?"

"Your hair. Neat trick, making it change colors like that," he grinned. Giving them a small wave, he and the twins left the compartment.

Bair let out a quiet curse and inspected her hair. Instead of being a reddish-brown color, it was sort of a light, ashy brown. "Not again…"

"I thought you were trying to get a hold of that?" Daphne inquired. Getting to her feet, she shut the compartment door so that they wouldn't get any other uninvited guests.

"Well, it's a wee bit hard when a huge spider suddenly comes t' call," she replied, her tone more than a little sarcastic. She then grinned mischievously, her hair turning a bright, lime-green color. "There we go." Looking at Katrina and Josephina, she frowned slightly; Katrina was still cowering behind her sister, whimpering softly.

"At least it didn't happen around muggles this time," Maidie sighed.

Rolling her eyes, Bair reached into her pocket and pulled out a bag of gummy candy. "That was one time an' it was two years ago. Anyway, it was the git's fault…insultin' me mother like that. I'm pretty sure I kicked him so hard, he thought it was a trick o' the mind anyway." Leaning over, she held the bag of candy out to Katrina. "Don't worry, Kat. That eight legged freak's gone. Here; care for a Jelly Baby?" Giving her a small smile, she wiggled the bag, making the candy rattle against it.

Katrina poked her head out from behind Josephina's shoulder. "Aren't these a muggle candy?" she murmured, inspecting the yellow bag.

"Mhm. They're damned good, too. Try one; I've got more 'n half the bag left, so there's plenty."

Hesitantly, Katrina reached inside the bag before pulling out a green Jelly Baby. She looked it over before popping it into her mouth and slowly chewing it; Bair offered the bag to the others, letting them take as many as they wanted. "Muggle candy is boring," she commented when she swallowed it. "Tasty, but boring."

"We've got some amusing candies," Bair mused. "I just couldn't get ahold o' any –I had more wizarding money than I did muggle money." She pulled out a red one and tossed it into her mouth. Gazing around the compartment, she cocked a brow. "Wow…is it just me or did this place get messier 'n our dormitory last year?"

The other girls looked around before nodding in agreement. "It did," Katrina murmured. "But only because it's a smaller space."

"An' because there's one hundred, fifty-six cards tossed everywhere. This'll be one heck o' a fifty-two card pickup."

Some hours later found the group of five friends walking down a familiar hall that led down towards the kitchens of Hogwarts. This same path also led to a seemingly innocent pile of barrels stacked against one wall. It was behind these barrels that the entrance to their house –Hufflepuff- lay, hidden to passersby.

"So who gets which bed this year?" Daphne asked as they waited for the Hufflepuff prefects to show the first years how to get into the common room.

"Ugh, I don't want either o' the ones near the fireplace," Maidie answered. "It was far too warm for me."

Josephina smiled. "I'll take one of those, then. I like listening to the fire; it helps me fall asleep."

"Anyone object to me taking the other?" Daphne asked, glancing between her friends.

"Fine with me," yawned Katrina. "I just want to sleep."

Maidie teasingly smirked. "Not near me, you're not!" she told her. "You try to hold conversations in your sleep and they tend to wake me up. Bair, make sure you're in the bed that's between ours, alright?" When Bair made no reply, she frowned and turned around, finding the green-haired girl staring sleepily at the barrels as they rolled aside to allow passage. "Bair?"

As Maidie waved a hand in front of her face, she tiredly smiled. "Sorry. I guess I'm more tired 'n I thought. What's going on?" She covered her mouth as she yawned.

"Deciding who gets which bed." Josephina set her hand on her shoulder and started to lightly push her into the common room. "And you should probably change your hair back to its natural color. It'll at least amuse the first years."

She shrugged. "All colors are natural t' me," she mused. "An' nah, I don't think so. Tomorrow's Sunday; I'll keep it green 'til Monday. Or maybe I could show some school spirit an' make it yellow and black?"

Daphne noticed a few of the first years curiously watching them and grinned. "No. I think your hair should be violet tonight," she firmly told her. When Bair gave her an odd look, she slightly nodded towards the younger students.

"Ahh…Well, then -violet it is!" she laughed. Gasps were heard from the first years as her hair faded from lime green to a bright, vibrant purple. She grinned as a few fifth years tousled her hair on their way to their dormitories. "I think it's high time we get t' bed. I swear the house elves put sleeping potions in our pumpkin juice whenever there's a feast."

"Well, how else are we supposed to get to sleep?" laughed a third-year boy, Cedric Diggory. "Otherwise, we'd be bouncing off of the walls in excitement."

"We're kids, what else are we supposed to do?" Katrina giggled. "Homework?"

"As if," Daphne smirked.

Bair turned around as she started down the stairs to their dormitory. "Don't know 'bout you lasses," she told them, "but I'm goin' t' get some shut eye before I pass out." She then cupped her hands over her mouth and spoke louder. "If anyone sees a purple hamster ball in the morning, please make sure it an' its wee occupant don't escape the common room, aye?"

"Forkie's still as adventurous as ever, huh?" Cedric called from the boys' stairway.

"O' course he is," she replied with a wink. "He gets it from his mum."

Cedric laughed. "That he does. Good night, Bair."

"'Night, Ced." Turning around, she made her way down the stairs until she came to the very last door. As she opened it, she was greeted by the sight of a rounded room with a fire directly across from her. Set into the walls were five beds, each with a small space on the other side to allow for the girls' trunks and a black velvet curtain that could be drawn across the space for privacy. A grin came to her face and she started to walk towards the nearest one, but before she could reach it, the others came hurrying into the room.

"My bed!" Katrina giggled, flinging herself onto the one closest to the door.

"And here's mine," Josephina announced as she sat down on the bed to the left of the fireplace.

Maidie flopped backwards onto the bed on the other side of the door. "All mine."

As Daphne sat on the bed to the right of the fire, Bair's brow rose. "Guess that leaves me with this one," she chuckled, sitting down on the last best. Reaching down, she started to untie her shoes.

"Ahh…I'm goin' to have to ask mum and da' if we can get new beds during the winter holiday," Josephina commented. "The beds here at Hogwarts are so much softer than the ones we got."

Katrina shrugged. "I don't know; I think they could be just a bit firmer. Then again, I could just be too used to our beds."

"Mm…I've slept in softer, but that's because my mother loves plush things," Daphne shrugged. She pulled off her purple headband and set it on the shelf above her bed. "She does love her opulence after all."

"Because she's richer 'n God," Maidie teased. She looked over at Bair, ready to say something to her, but the green-haired girl was slumped over, fast asleep. "Well…she got at least one shoe off this year…"


	2. Do we have to go to class?

**Chapter Two**

**Do we have to go to class?**

Maidie yawned and rolled onto her side as she heard some quiet giggling. With a soft groan, she opened her eyes and found Katrina and Daphne comparing uniform styles as they got dressed. Her brow rose, watching as Daphne held up a plaid sweater vest and an argyle sweater vest. Both were yellow with black and grey accents. Katrina, however, held up a plain, grey sweater vest that had yellow trim. She propped her chin up on her palm, looking at the three options.

"Daphne in the plain an' Katrina in the argyle," she suggested.

The two girls looked at her, startled. "Why the plain?" Daphne asked, her brows furrowing slightly.

"You can accessorize it more." Maidie rolled out of bed and stretched, feeling her back pop. "And Katrina, the argyle for you because you'd look cute in it. Anyway, plaid suits Josephina just a bit more."

"Not me," Josephina called from behind her bed curtain. "I like the plain and I'm _sticking _to the plain."

Daphne laughed and lightly shook her head. "Well, someone needs to be plain to counter Bair's mixing of prints."

"She's not so bad with it now," Maidie told her. "She just…really enjoyed wearin' the argyle and the plaid at the same time. Speaking of Bair, is she up yet?"

Katrina shrugged. "Not sure. We didn't even know you and Jo were up."

Pulling her skirt on under her nightgown, Maidie walked over to Bair's bed and threw back the curtain. There was a quiet groan and she grinned when she saw the lump in the middle of the bed that was Bair. Only, as she pulled the blanket back, she discovered that it wasn't Bair, but a tangled mess of sheets and pillows. Her brows rose in confusion.

"Bair?" Leaning over, she tried to peek over the bed, but the distance was too great. Instead, she crawled onto the bed and let out a sigh; Bair was fast asleep on the floor, using her trousers from the previous day as her pillow. Maidie rolled her eyes and reached down, giving her friend a small shove. "Oi, Bair -time t' rise an' shine. Breakfast is in half an hour!"

Muttering something under her breath, Bair rolled onto her side, snuggling into her trousers. A second later, however, she let out a yelp as Maidie started to tickle her sides and her quickly faded into being stark white. Forkie poked his head up from his cage, his paws pressed against the plastic wall as he tried to see what was happening to his owner. From what he could see, she was writhing on the ground as Maidie continued to tickle her, ensuring that the girl would remain awake.

"You awake now?" Maidie smirked, finally pulling back. She sat atop Bair's bed, wearing a victorious grin while Bair stared up at her, panting heavily and her now-white hair dangling in her face. She glanced over her shoulder as Josephina threw back the curtain of her bed; she was fully dressed, save for socks and shoes.

"You...You are horrible!" Bair cried, collapsing backwards on the ground. "My gods, Maidie -I'd never wake ya up like that! Especially if ya were sleepin' on the floor like I was!" She could hear the other girls giggling. "You lasses think it's funny, don't ya? Well, wait 'til I wake you lot up by ticklin' you!"

Maidie merely grinned down at her. "Speakin' of which...why _are _you on the floor? Seems a bit uncomfortable, especially with trousers for a pillow."

Pushing herself onto her feet, Bair rubbed her head tiredly; she didn't bother to change her hair back. "I guess I fell out o' bed again." She scrunched her nose up, peeling a sock from her shoulder.

"You do that a lot."

"Aye, I know." She threw the trousers at Maidie before opening a drawer in the wall and pulling out a fresh pair. "I almost need bedrails because I fall out o' them so much." Shedding her pajama bottoms, she started to tug on the slacks.

Daphne cocked a brow as she saw Bair's boxers -they were red and yellow plaid. "Uh, Bair? You secretly a Gryffindor or somethin'?"

Bair glanced up, confused. "Huh?" Daphne pointed at her underwear and she laughed. "Oh, ha, ha. They're just from a standard pack o' undies."

"Mhm." She looked at Katrina and Josephina. "Those are totally Gryffindor boys' underwear, aren't they?"

Katrina tilted her head. "Yeah, though they're missing the house crest."

"I don't think underwear needs a house crest, Kat," Josephina mused, her brow rising slightly. "Now c'mere and help me brush my hair."

"They're just muggle boxers from the men's section!" Bair jokingly argued. She zipped them up before tossing off her pajama shirt in favor of the crisp, white uniform shirt. "You know I'm a Hufflepuff through an' through." Rolling the sleeves up, she turned towards Forkie's cage. "G'morning, my wee handsome lad," she cooed. As she opened the cage, he ran towards her hand.

'Ah! Ma cherie, I was worried about you -you had made quite the thunk when you fell out o' zee bed,' he told her as he crawled into her palm. 'And now your friends mock you for your choice of undergarments. Why is that, ma cherie? As your friends, they should not do-Oh! Breakfast!' While he had been 'conversing' with her, Bair had scooped some food pellets into his bowl.

"I'm afraid you'll have t' be in the cage all day, love," Bair quietly told him. "Though, I'll try to visit you if I get a break today." She lightly rubbed the top of his head, smiling as he affectionately nuzzled against her finger.

"So, what class do you think we'll start the year off with?" Josephina asked as she braided the left half of her hair. Katrina was busy braiding the right half.

"I'm hoping History of Magic so I can get a nap in," Maidie yawned. "How great would that be? Wake up, have breakfast, then go take a nap every Monday an' Wednesday..."

Daphne giggled. "That would be nice. Professor Binns just drawls on and on, doesn't he?"

Katrina snorted. "Of course he does -he's a ghost. He doesn't need to pause for breath."

"As much as I like history, I'll admit, his class is drier 'n the Sahara Desert," Bair agreed. Having put her hamster away, she grabbed a hairbrush from her shelf as well as a pair of socks. She put the brush in her mouth as she fell backwards on her bed and started to tug her socks on. "I fink we'll starth with Transfigurwation."

"Ooh, we may. The second year Hufflepuffs were always leaving as we were heading in last year," Josephina nodded. "That sounds logical enough." She glanced over as Bair started to brush her white hair. "Going sweater-less today?"

Bair grinned. "What's more plain than white?" she joked. Pulling a hair elastic from the handle of her brush, she used it to tie back the top half of her hair before leaning over to tug on her shoes.

"I'd expect you to go prancing around in argyle an' plaid again," Maidie chuckled. "Or did ya get tired o' being an eyesore?"

"Nah. I'm just lazy. Anyway, I'm goin' t' go flyin' later an' I don't want t' have t' worry about overheating."

Daphne perked. "Ooh, flying? Can I join you?"

Bair stood up, shrugging. "If ya want."

Katrina pulled on her socks before sliding her shoes onto her feet. "Flying is alright, but I prefer to keep my feet firmly on the ground."

"Same here," Josephina agreed. "I don't get all the hype about flying on broomsticks. I mean, it's so stereotypical of a witch or wizard to use a broomstick."

Daphne giggled. "What else are we supposed to use? A mop? A shovel?"

"Or maybe a vacuum?" Bair grinned. "Just have to make sure it's unplugged first."

The twins and Maidie looked at the two of them, confused. "What's a vacuum?" Maidie asked, her brows furrowing.

"It's a muggle device used for cleaning the floor," Daphne explained. "It sucks up the dirt and crumbs into a bag."

As Bair left the dormitory, she could hear Katrina protest with a 'But that sounds so tedious!'. Shaking her head, she quietly laughed and headed up the stairs. She came into the common room only to be greeted by the sight of three second-year boys coming up from their dormitory.

"Mornin', Teddy, Basil, an' Barnaby," she told them.

"Mornin', Bair," they replied in unison.

"Ready for classes to start back up?" asked Basil, a short boy with chestnut hair. He opened the doorway to the common room and they left Hufflepuff house behind.

Bair jokingly sighed and rolled her eyes. "I guess," she replied, dragging the words out. "But I don't wanna."

Barnaby, already a tall boy for his age with long, straw-colored hair, grinned. "I think that perfectly sums up how we all feel."

"I don't know 'bout you lot, but I'm actually lookin' forward t' classes," Teddy replied as he pushed his glasses back up his nose. "But only because they teach us _more _magic. Personally, I'm hopin' that we learn some more useful curses t' use in case those Slytherins try t' get at us again."

Bair and Basil wore almost matching smirks. "But ya got t' admit, nothing beats a well aimed jelly-legs jinx," Basil chirped.

"Ah, I find a punch t' the gut t' be just as effective," Bair laughed.

Barnaby cocked his brow as he looked down at her. "You're the only girl I know who'd say that...then again, I think you're the only girl I know who actually _has_ punched someone in the gut."

She looked up at him. "Oi, you helped, lad -Remember how MacDougal nearly went himself when I started fightin' back, eh?" she grinned.

"Aye!" Barnaby grinned. "Didn't you end up breakin' his nose?"

"No, I just gave him a nice shiner an' a split lip."

Teddy raised his brow. "I...don't recall this fight happening at all. Do you, Basil?"

Basil shook his head. "I don't think there's even a MacDougal in this school..."

"Muggle school days," Barnaby explained. "He was a bully Bair took care o' for me."

"Got me expelled, but it was worth it," Bair smirked. She tilted her head as she smelled the air. "I think we're havin' waffles for breakfast."

Teddy let out a small laugh. "With maple-cured bacon and fried eggs," he told them.

"An' how do you know that?" Barnaby asked, his brow raised.

"Easy. I snuck into the kitchens at five this mornin' for some ginger tea."

"Odd thing t' get so early in the mornin'," Bair mused.

He shrugged as they came into the Great Hall; not many students were there yet, leaving the benches nearly empty. "I woke up with a sore throat," he explained, "and I knew I wasn't sick, so I just had some tea and went back to bed." He sat down at the Hufflepuff table.

"Understandable." Basil sat down across from him, grinning as food magically appeared on his plate. "Aw yeah! It is waffles!"

"I told you!" Teddy snorted. "Why didn't you believe me?"

"Because it's you; for all I knew, we could o' been having haggis for breakfast."

"Oh please. Hogwarts wouldn't have haggis on the menu," Barnaby chuckled. "It's only for special occasions!"

"I don't know," Bair mused, sitting down a few seats away so that her friends would have room to sit. "Everyone makes a big deal 'bout it tastin' nasty, but my grandda' says it's not too bad so long as the right seasonings are used."

Basil pointed his fork at her. "Take it from a Scotsman, lass. It's _disgusting_."

"Is not," Barnaby argued. "I quite like it; so long as it's warm, though. When it gets cooler, it starts getting a bit mushy."

"If ever I come across the stuff, I'll be sure t' approach it with an open mind," Bair chuckled. "However, as waffles are on the menu, I'll be quite content t' eat them."

Nearly twenty minutes passed and the Great Hall quickly began to fill with students. Looking around, Bair watched as the Gryffindor table filled up first, followed by Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and then Slytherin. By the time the rest of her dorm mates had arrived, though, there was only room for Maidie to sit near Bair. When all the students were eating their breakfasts, the heads of houses came by with schedules.

As Sprout handed Bair and Maidie their schedules, Maidie let out a groan. "Potions? We have to start with _potions _o' all classes?"

"Now, now," Sprout gently scolded, "potions are an essential part of magic. You may not like Professor Snape very much, but what he's teachin' you is absolutely _vital _to your education."

Maidie sighed. "I know...but it's such a tough class t' start the week, let alone the year, out with, don't you think?"

A small, knowing smile came to Sprouts lips. "Don't worry, Ferguson. You have Charms afterwards; Professor Flitwick should brighten your day a wee bit."

"I wonder if'n he'll have another amusing class opener for us this year?" Bair grinned. "Last year, he made the flame o' a candle dance about his desk without catchin' anythin' on fire!"

"Maybe he'll teach us a cheering charm?" Maidie murmured.

Sprout chuckled before lightly tapping the top of Bair's head with her stack of schedules. "Hair, McKenna." With that, she walked off to deliver the rest of the papers.

Making her hair a deep green color, Bair shoved a piece of bacon in her mouth. "Looks like we get astronomy on Tuesdays this year," she managed to say through her food.

"An' Transfiguration starts off the mornings on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but comes after lunch the rest o' the week." Maidie plucked up her goblet and took a swig of pumpkin juice. "Don't think Snape will approve of the green hair."

"What if I give myself silver tips?"

Maidie cocked her brow. "Still don't think that'll he'll approve of it. Especially since you tried it last year."

She shrugged. "Tha' was last year. I mean, he may have changed his tune."

"Snape? Change his tune?" She let out a sarcastic laugh. "He's 'bout as likely to change his tune as Hogwarts is to turn into pig."

"Y'know, legend has it tha' Rowena Ravenclaw had a dream 'bout a warty hog leadin' her t' a cliff over lake an' that's how Hogwarts got its name," Bair grinned. "Anyway, with magic, anything's possible."

"_Almost _anything. And yeah, I know about the Ravenclaw thing. Mother told me about it before I got accepted." She forked some eggs into her mouth before glancing towards the enchanted ceiling when she heard the flapping of hundreds of wings; the post was coming in. "Ooh, wonder if Astrid is sendin' me another letter about how jealous she is o' me?"

Bair glanced at her, her brow rising slightly. "Pardon?" An owl swooped by, dropping a letter on her lap.

Maidie caught a small package as it was dropped over her plate. "Oh, last year Astrid had the gall t' send me a letter, tellin' me that I was so lucky t' be starting school while she had to endure mother an' father's homeschooling for another two years. I had to remind her that I'm under the constant watch o' Holt." She nodded her head towards the Ravenclaw table, where her older brother sat with his group of friends. Opening the package, she found it contained a set of hair ties and barrettes she had forgotten at home. "Who's your letter from then?"

"Mum," Bair replied, her eyes scanning the letter as she read it. "Tellin' me how she's sorry she couldn't see me off this year an' apologizing about my grandda' being an arse before I had t' leave."

Frowning, Maidie glanced over at her. "He still doesn't like that you're a witch?"

"He's better with it, but he refuses t' bring me t' King's Cross. Doesn't want t' be surrounded by our kind...thinks someone will turn him into a frog or something."

Shaking her head and giggling, Maidie set her package aside in favor of more waffles. "He's so strange. We're not allowed t' use magic on muggles!"

"He doesn't know-Whoa." Bair blinked and stretched her arms out as two owls flew a package towards her. A small grin came to her lips as she checked the sender information. "Aha! It's from me da'!"

Maidie scooted over half a foot, allowed Bair to straddle the bench and start opening the package. "Your da'? Where's he sendin' this one from, then?"

"Looks like..." She scanned the details. "Lithuania."

"Lithuania? What a random place t' be in," Maidie chuckled.

Grabbing the envelope in the top of the package, Bair opened it and started reading. "Apparently, he's there on business. Says the Magpies are playin' against the Gorodok Gargoyles tomorrow."

"Ahh. Well, I wish him luck. It'd be a shame for the Magpies t' lose a game this early in the season."

"Aye. Who won last year's cup, by the way?"

"Thundelarra Thunderers, I believe."

"They're Australian, aye?"

"Mhm. The twins may know 'bout them, since I don't really pay attention to Quidditch..."

Unbeknownst to the two girls, another conversation about Quidditch was taking place, though it was at a different table. Oliver Wood of Gryffindor was sitting across his previous year's chasers and in between the two beaters. He was doing his best to get their attention to focus on the upcoming Quidditch season, but it seemed to be of little use.

"So, I was thinkin', since I went and saw the world cup this year, we should incorporate more professional moves into our game this year," he told the others. "Especially the bludger backbeat."

Alicia Spinet, a third year with brownish hair, yawned as she doused her waffles with maple syrup. "Wood, it's only eight in the morning. It's too early for Quidditch talk."

Katie Bell, also in third year, but with blonde hair, nodded in agreement. "And it's the first day o' classes! Look at our schedule, Wood -we've got transfiguration first. And you know damned well that McGonagall doesn't go easy on the first day back."

Fred Weasley grinned, leaning over and reaching across Wood's plate to steal one of his twin's slices of bacon. "How hard can she be on the six of us? I mean, really. We're the smallest year Gryffindor's had in a long while. She's bound to cut us some slack."

"Says the one of the two who seems to have complete ease in that class!" Angelina Johnson, a dark skinned and haired girl, taunted. "I don't know anyone else who was able to turn a rat into a goblet with just three tries."

"No kidding," Alicia sighed. "It took me nearly two weeks."

Oliver frowned. "I thought we were discussing Quidditch, not classes?" he interrupted.

Lee Jordan poked his head forward, a couple of dreadlocks falling over his shoulder. "No offense, Wood, but...It really is too early for Quidditch talk. Why not save it for lunch, eh? They'll be more awake then."

"Oh, we're wide awake," George sarcastically told him, "thanks to that dungbomb you let off in the dormitory this morning!"

A wide, cheeky grin came to Lee's lips. "I had to wake you lads up somehow, didn't I?"

Sighing, Oliver took a drink of his pumpkin juice. "Can we at least throw out some names about who'd make a good seeker? The last two have been duds."

"Well, we could tell Percy that the snitch broke a rule," Fred snickered.

"Then he'd be on it like a fly to honey!" George added with a snort.

The three girls giggled, knowing that the twins were partially telling the truth; their elder brother, Percy, was a stickler for the rules. If he saw that any were being broken, he'd be on the offending rule-breakers like a hawk.

"He'd make a good referee, to be honest," Oliver commented. "Since he sticks to the rules so much."

The twins shook their heads in unison. "No he wouldn't," began Fred. "He's absolute rubbish at Quidditch," finished George.

Lee nodded in agreement. "It's true. I've seen him play once and never again after that." He took a bite of his waffles. "Y'know who'd be good?" he asked, chewing the bite. He pointed his fork down the table at a tall third year boy with wavy, black hair. "Porthos. I've seen him fly when he's chased after Aramis before. Kid's got skill."

"I'll take that into account," Oliver told him. He knew that Lee was a good judge of Quidditch skill; Lee was the announcer for the school games, after all.

Fred leaned back on the bench slightly and let out a rather loud belch. He grinned as a few students clapped, but pouted when George let out an even louder (and longer) belch. Someone from the Hufflepuff table called out 'Eight out o' ten!', earning a few laughs and a small bow from George.

"Show off," Fred mused.

"I learned from the best," flattered George, teasingly batting his eyes at his twin. He blinked when a crumpet hit the side of his face. "Oi, what was that for, Angelina?"

"For the two of you being disgusting prats," she chuckled.

Fred stuck his nose up in the air. "You just don't appreciate the fine art of mustering a nice, loud belch."

Copying his action, George also crossed his arms and glanced away. "Just because girls don't belch."

"Or snort."

"Or fart," added in Lee.

"Yeah!" the twins chorused.

Rolling her eyes, Katie laughed. "Oh, please. We do all of those things."

"But unlike guys," added Alicia, "we just know how to be quiet about it."

Angelina smirked, stabbing her fork into her scrambled eggs. "But just because we know how to be quiet about it doesn't mean we can't be deadly."

The four boys frowned as they stared at the three girls. "You mean...?" Fred murmured.

"That fart last year in the locker room was one of _you _three!?" Oliver gawked.

"It wasn't a dungbomb, if that's what you mean," Katie smirked.

"And we're not tellin' on which one o' us it was," Alicia teased.

The twins leaned back, staring at each other behind Oliver. "George? Remind me to never to slip any of them a Fabulous Flatulence Fudge," Fred ordered.

"I was just about to tell you the same thing, Fred."

* * *

Two hours later found the twins and Lee leaving the Transfiguration classroom. They were saying goodbye to the girls, who were off to their new elective classes, splitting the group of six up for the first time in their three years of school.

"So where are you three headed?" Lee asked, shouldering his bag.

"We've got Arithmancy," Angelina replied, pointing to her and Alicia.

"And I've got Ancient Runes," Katie replied. "What 'bout you three?"

"Care of Magical Creatures," the three boys grinned.

Fred puffed his chest out slightly. "Professor Kettleburn already likes us because of how good of a job we did mucking out the unicorn stables last year during detention," he proudly declared.

"And how well we got along with his pet crup, Alabaster," added George.

Katie raised her brow. "I don't think I've ever heard of a teacher actually _liking _the three o' you," she teased. "Tolerating? Yes, but liking...?"

Lee pouted. "Hey, we're not always pulling pranks. Kettleburn is actually a really cool professor; he showed us the poisonous snails last time."

Alicia shook her head. "Go enjoy your class then," she mused. "Don't want to be late on your first day, after all!" And with that, the three girls headed off to their classes.

Fred shrugged and shoved his hands into his pockets. "It's not hard to be late to a classroom one floor below," he chuckled, started to walk between his twin and Lee. "Unless the staircases are playing tag again."

"They may be. It is Monday, after all," George told him.

Lee shook his head. "On Mondays, they like to move around after lunch; it's only ten. Wednesdays are when they like to jump around on everyone." He watched a group of Hufflepuffs walk by, his brow rising as he watched one girl's hair turn from reddish-brown to mossy green. His brows furrowing, he tugged on Fred's shirt sleeve. "Did you see that?"

Fred cocked his head. "See what? The girls with the weird markings on their chins?"

"No, the other girl -her hair changed colors."

George shrugged. "Maybe she uses that mood-changing shampoo?" he suggested.

Lee shrugged as well. "Maybe. It was kind of cool. Wait, girls with markings on their chins?" He gave Fred a strange look.

"Yeah. The two darker skinned ones."

Turning around, Lee watched as the Hufflepuffs walked down the hall to the Charms classroom. "Hey! Those are the girls who Herbert scared the crap out of on the train!" he told the other two.

George spun around, also watching them. "Huh. So it is. Didn't the one with green hair have white hair, though?"

"Must be mood-changing shampoo," Fred grinned. "Didn't know that stuff was allowed here!" He looked over at his twin. "D'ya think we can get some when we go on our first Hogsmeade?"

Lee shook his head. "I don't the two of you could pull off any color that _isn't_ ginger." He hopped onto the railing of a staircase, the twins following suit. The three of them then slid down, past the groups of students who watched enviously. "So, what do you think we'll be learning today?"

The twins hopped off the railing, followed by Lee. "Probably about basic, docile magical creatures," Fred answered. "Y'know. Crups, puffskeins, fairies, dugbogs...boring stuff."

"Sadly, you're probably right," George sighed. "But at least it shouldn't be too hard. It's not like we'll be required to milk the poisonous snails or get rid of a flock of doxies. It's this way." He led them down a corridor that was opposite of the Great Hall.

"Should be a breeze then!" Lee grinned. As they approached the classroom, they could see Professor Kettleburn, an elderly wizard with a wooden leg and a wooden arm. During detention with him the previous year, they had come to learn that he lost both limbs in his youth thanks to some encounters were a dragon and a Re'em, respectively. "Morning, professor!"

Kettleburn turned, looking at the twins and Lee with a smile that made his eyes wrinkle at the corners. "Well now, this is a pleasant surprise," he said as they approached. "I must say, it's not to see the three of you outside of detention!"

The twins wore matching grins. "What can we say?" began George. "We can't _always _be getting into trouble. Filch may learn that we actually like detentions with you," finished Fred. He poked his head into the classroom. "Though, to be honest, I thought we'd have classes outside, where the animals are."

"Ah, that'll come later on," Kettleburn assured him, following the boys as they entered the classroom properly. "Can't use all of the exciting stuff on the first day, now can we? Go ahead and sit wherever you'd like, though I recommend the corner over there -yes, that one. It's closer to the more..." He paused for a moment, an almost wicked grin coming to his scarred lips as he tried to think of the right word, "_amusing _of the two animals today."

Taking their seats, the boys smirked at one another. In front of them, they could see two cages -one short and wide, the other tall and thin. Both were covered with a silvery-blue cloth, hiding their contents from view.

As Kettleburn was bustling about behind his desk, more students started to file into the room, filling up the empty seats. Not much to their surprise, they saw only three Slytherin students come in, with eight Ravenclaws and ten Hufflepuffs. A bell rang somewhere in the depths of the school, signaling the start of class.

"Good morning, students," Kettleburn said, turning around and facing the class. "Hm. Less of you than I thought there'd be. Oh well! That just means more fun for the rest of us, eh?" He crookedly grinned and tossed the chalk over his shoulder; it flew towards the board and began to write once more. Some of the Ravenclaws started to pull out their notebooks, but his shook his head. "Don't mind the chalkboard. That's for my next class. There's just so much to write, I'm gettin' started now. What you lot need to focus on are these two cages."

Walking over to where the cages were, some of the students jumped as the wider of the cages rattled. As Kettleburn pulled the veil off of it, everyone could see that there was a large ferret inside of the cage. At least, by all means, it _seemed _like a normal ferret, even if it was a tad bit longer.

Until it spoke.

"Merlin's soiled underpants have more beauty 'n the lot o' you!" it snapped, sitting up on its hind legs. "Buncha yellowed-bellied twats you are!"

Some of the more innocent students gasped in horror. Fred, George, and Lee, however, were beside themselves with laughter. Kettleburn smirked and glanced at his students.

"Can any of you tell me what this creature is?" he mused.

"Shut yer gob, yeh saggy ol' ballsack!" the creature bit. "Gab more 'n a drunken whore ya do!"

"That's a jarvey!" one of the Ravenclaw girls giggled. "An' a right rude one, too!" The jarvey scuttled about his cage, trying to get a better look at the girl.

"Good job, Miss...?"

"Blah, blah, blah. D'ya ever shut up?"

"Fairbridge, sir. Melissa Fairbridge."

He nodded in understanding. "Five points to Ravenclaw for Miss Fairbridge's identification. Now, can anyone else tell me how to tell a jarvey apart from-

"Yer da's so far in the closet, he owns a fudge fac'try!"

"-A common ferret?" Hands shot into the air. "Besides it's verbal communication skills?" Three-quarters of the hands went down. "Yes, you Mister...?"

A blonde, Hufflepuff lad answered. "Cedric Diggory, sir, and the jarvey's different from a ferret because it's larger in size and they tend to be as dumb as a brick."

"Shut yer gob, yeh undropped testical!"

Fred snorted. "I think the jarvey's getting a bit on the testes side," he grinned. George and Lee burst out laughing anew -as did half the class. The only student who didn't seem amused at all was Carmine Warwick, a surly looking Slytherin boy.

Kettleburn grinned. "Five points to both Hufflepuff and Gryffindor," he told the class. "Now, the jarvey's quite a common pest here in Britain, as well as in Ireland and the United States." He flung the veil back over the jarvey's cage, ignoring its constant streams of harassment. "They prefer to stay underground, as that's where their main food source is located." He glanced over his shoulder, looking for anyone with a question before he moved towards the second cage. "This second creature...well, creatures really, are quite amusing -far more innocent than the jarvey, I assure you."

Pulling back the veil, he stepped back to allow the students to see an electric-blue cloud within a glass container. Most students just stared at it, confused, as it quickly hovered up and down. Occasionally, there would be a crystalline 'ting' as something bounced against the glass -but what?

"Inside this glass jar," began Kettleburn, "are around two hundred billywigs. I wouldn't expect any of you to know what they are, as they're native to Australia." Flicking his wand, the door to the room slammed shut, earning a yelp from some of the girls. With another flick, any open windows quickly shut themselves. "They're rather harmless," he assured them. "At least, until they sting you."

Lee frowned, staring at the insect cloud. "W-what happens when they sting?"

His crooked grin returned to his lips. "The victim feels an overpowering sensation of giddiness as well as the ability to temporarily float. Both symptoms only last a few minutes and, luckily, the sting is entirely painless. So, would anyone like to volunteer to be stung?"

Everyone in the class looked at one another, hesitant looks on their faces. Even Lee and the twins didn't enjoy the idea of being stung by a bug -even if it was supposedly painless. After some minutes of silence passed, George sighed and raised his hand.

"I'll do it, sir," he told Kettleburn. After all, it had to hurt less than getting a firework exploded in one's face, right?

"Atta boy, Weasley," Kettleburn laughed. He motioned for George to come to the front of the room. "I had a feeling it'd be one of you three who'd volunteer." His wand at the ready, he gingerly lifted the lid of the jar and summoned out a single billywig, putting it in a smaller jar. "Roll up your sleeve and hold out your arm, Fred."

"George," corrected George, wearing a small smirk.

Fred snorted. "You'll never get it right! Even our mum can't tell us apart, an' she was the one who gave birth to us."

"Well, I know it has to be one of the two-Aha! Feeling giddy yet, George?" Kettleburn laughed as George suddenly rose a few feet into the air and wobbled in place.

A wide, almost dreamy sort of grin replaced George's smirk and he let out an uncharacteristically high-pitched giggle. "Fred, Lee -you two oughta try this!" he chuckled, losing his balance. He toppled backwards, but remained about five inches off of the stone floor. "Aha! Fred, look! How useful would this be durin' Quidditch, eh? I wonder if this is what the quaffle feels like...?"

With that, Fred bolted to his seat and ran to the front of the room. By the time he came to a halt, his sleeve was rolled up and there was a large, mischievous grin on his freckled face. Behind him, about half the class was lined up, their arms also bared.

"Don't crowd -don't crowd! I promise you lot, there's more than enough to go around!" Kettleburn called.

Lee leaned over, whispering in Fred's ear. "This class is going to be wicked awesome."


End file.
